I’d Participate If I Had The Energy To Get Off The Couch
My son explained to us at dinner last night that, when he hears the expression “over the hill,” he thinks of a bear standing on the top of a grassy knoll, looking over the hill at “old people, over 50″.
And all that he could see, and all that he could see…was the other side of the mountain…and a sea of old people.
He’ll be thoroughly embarrassed when he sees my new video.
From the newswire, released just hours ago:
AARP, the world’s largest advocacy organization for the 50+ community [and largest advertising beneficiaries of Rogaine and Viagra marketing], today announced it is teaming up with the legendary band [and unabashed sell-outs] Foreigner to launch “Air Guitar for My Guitar,” an air guitar and lip-sync competition in conjunction with AARP’s [can you believe it] sponsorship of Foreigner’s “Feels Like the First Time Tour.” The competition, tour and other musical collaborations are part of AARP’s year-long 50th anniversary celebration [and Foreigner's grasp of the fact that their music is being illegally downloaded by the boatload on an hourly basis].
“At AARP, we always try to connect with our members in fun and exciting [and potentially illegal and embarrassing ways] ways, and this air guitar contest certainly fits the bill [though we're sure all that spandex won't]” said Emilio Pardo, EVP and Chief Brand Officer, AARP. “This is a great opportunity for our members and their families to unleash their inner rock star [dress in drag and come out of the closet] and celebrate our 50th anniversary with us in style!”
Competitors in the “Air Guitar for My Guitar” contest will vie for the chance to win Mick Jones’ autographed custom Gibson guitar, [huge quantities of groupie sex] and a trip to Honolulu, Hawaii to party [flatulent, flabby and naked] with the band on New Years Eve.
“We cannot wait to watch [and belly laugh and possibly get erotically excited at] the videos,” said Mick Jones, lead guitarist and founder of Foreigner. “I’m sure that we’re going to see some fantastic air guitar players [and hopefully some naked housewives] who’ll look even better up there than some of us. It really is a [stupid..um, I mean, profitable and] great idea and we’re happy to help AARP celebrate their 50th [if we live that long].”
A constant fixture on radio and the charts since the late ’70s, Foreigner has sold more than 70 million albums worldwide [and are wishing they could cash on in the 70 million illegal downloads that happened this morning]. The band just released NO END IN SIGHT: THE VERY BEST OF FOREIGNER, a comprehensive hits collection that [we're hoping a few thousand Foreigner junkies will buy because it ]includes both live and previously unreleased tracks. [They're lame, of course, or we would have released them in the 70's when we could've made some dough]. The album is currently on the Billboard Top 200 chart and features their current hit single “Too Late.”
To participate, contestants must air guitar/lip-sync to one of five Foreigner hit songs:
-- "Too Late" -- "Cold as Ice" -- "Hot Blooded" -- "Juke Box Hero" -- "Feels Like the First Time"
Contestants must then submit their video recorded entries on Win Mick Jones Guitar. Contestants can also [embarrass themselves and] enter in person at a mobile recording studio at select Foreigner concert dates and the AARP Life@50+ member event.
[For those of you who were part of a religious cult during the 70's and 80's and weren't allowed to listen to the radio]
About Foreigner
Throughout the 70′s and 80′s, Foreigner was universally hailed [and often derided] as one of the most popular [and predictable] rock acts in the world, racking up scores of smash hits, multi-platinum albums, and sold out concert tours. From “Cold As Ice” to “Hot Blooded,” “Urgent” to “Jukebox Hero,” “Waiting For A Girl Like You” to the chart topper “I Want To Know What Love is”, Foreigner’s thrilling mix of blustery blues and impeccably crafted pop continues to captivate generation after generation of music fans [and inspire "scores" of PR flak hyperbole]. Today, 30 years later, Foreigner is an ensemble of talented musicians [that means: NOT THE ORIGINAL BAND] each adding their individual credentials to the mix to make the band stronger and more powerful than ever [we're kind of embarrassed about all this but time hasn't made us any better looking and girls still dig money and rock stars, in that order].
Get practicing:
